The Sleeping Prince
by lezonne
Summary: Hermione thinks Draco sleeps like a troll. He thinks he's perfectly fine, until he squishes a kiwi beneath his mattress one night. Written for the Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition round 12.


Written for the Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition round 12 using the prompts 2 (sore), 11 (underhanded) and 14 (hate).

The Sleeping Prince

"Of course _you_ aren't tired," she grumbled, repeating the same argument they always had for what had to be the billionth time. "_You _don't have to try to sleep through your obnoxious snoring!"

"Malfoy's don't snore Granger."

"Well, this one does!" she snapped, beckoning to the blond twit she was sharing a dorm with. "I don't know why I just don't start with a bloody sleeping spell every night. I might as well cast a silencing charm on the wall I share with you before even going to bed."

"I don't make that much noise," Draco defended, still sitting perfectly poised on the couch. "I'm rich nobility Granger. We don't have such disastrous sleeping habits as chronic snoring."

Hermione shook her finger at the blond, annoyance peeking through. "But you do! I've met dogs who sleep quieter than you! Not only do you snore quite loudly for such a skinny person, but you also throw yourself about during the night. How you don't wake up from rolling off the bed or hitting the wall I'll never know."

"That's not me at all Granger," he defended, tensing. "I've told you time and time again that I sleep like a prince."

"You sleep like a hyped up troll."

He scowled, glaring up at the brunette in front of him. They had only been roommates for close to three months and already he hated his life more than normal. He was sore when he was elected to be Head Boy that year, mostly because he didn't want the tedious responsibilities of handling what came with the position, but he brightened a hair when he found out Granger was of course Head Girl. This at least gave him an opportunity to mess with her like never before. And he was elated.

The problem was, Draco's tactics to tease and humiliate the witch did nothing to win him the annoyed scowls he so longed for. She was quick on her feet and after the war she had gotten even smarter, sometimes picking up on his games before they even really started.

At first when she complained of his sleeping habits he found it humorous, thinking maybe she was referring to the numerous girls who came up to his room. But no, apparently she wasn't bothered by that because she often wasn't in the dorm when it happened. No, instead he was annoying her the most by sleeping like he always had- comfortably.

"Granger, for the last and final time, you're delusional. I sleep like every other person. There's no unnecessary movements or anything like what you are describing. Maybe you just have an overactive imagination."

Hermione smiled then, crossing her arms triumphantly. "Actually, I know for a fact that you're lying Malfoy. I went into your room one night to wake you up, thinking you might be having a night terror, but instead you were just sprawled about, content to beat up the walls in your sleep with your legs. It was somewhat humorous when I got the full picture. You're kind of like a rag doll when unconscious."

"Hardly!"

"Keep telling yourself that Malfoy," she replied, shaking her head. "Do try and silence your own walls tonight, would you? For once I would appreciate a full night sleep."

"Put up your own bloody wards," he grumbled, slouching further in his seat. Hermione shook her head again, turning to leave the man as he was. No amount of silencing charms could block out the annoying sound of his feet kicking the wall whenever he adjusted in bed. That was perhaps even worse than the snoring.

* * *

For the millionth time in a row, Hermione banged on Draco's door. He had since locked his room after hearing about her walking in one night, and now she couldn't even hex the twit to tell him to shut up.

_Stupid Pureblood twit… sleeping like an angel my butt… sleeping like a cow is more like it…_

"Malfoy! If you don't wake up your door will pay the price! Privacy will be impossible if you have no door!"

Finally after an eternity the door opened, and she practically slammed her hand into his face.

"Granger, what do I owe this rude awakening?"

"Actually, you woke me up Malfoy- again, as you always do. I don't appreciate you locking the door by the way. It's very hard to wake you up if I can't get in."

"I know Granger. I charmed the door so you couldn't get in."

"But you can't charm your room with a silencing spell so I can sleep?" she groaned. "Your priorities are so confused Malfoy."

"Whatever," he muttered, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. "Go back to bed Granger. I'm up, so you can have a few minutes of peace. I think you're just imagining this bloody sleep thing. I'm not that bad of a sleeper. Can one even be a bad sleeper?"

"You're just asleep when it happens," she groaned. "If anything was near you you'd destroy it."

"I sincerely doubt it."

A thought struck Hermione then, a rather obscure one, but she blamed that on her lack of sleep the past many days, and the fact that it was well past midnight. "It's almost like the Princess and the Pea."

"Did you just call me a Princess?"

Waving a hand, she completely discarded what he just said. "Except… it would have to be more convincing than a pea. Pea's squish easy. "

"Are you hungry or something Granger?"

"Malfoy, the Princess and the Pea is a muggle childhood fairytale. To prove that she is delicate and able to be a royal. It's tested through her ability to not squish a pea while she sleeps."

"What kind of test is that?"

"A silly one, really. But maybe if you knew there was something you couldn't squish at night you wouldn't toss around so much in bed."

"Granger, you've lost your mind. I can guarantee that will not work- ever."

Shaking her finger at him, Hermione had other ideas. "Don't say ever yet Malfoy- I have an idea."

"You always have ideas," he grumbled. "I hate being woken up Granger. It's way too early for this. I need my beauty sleep."

"You need some _real_ sleep."

He cursed beneath his breath, watching the witch wander into the kitchen. It seemed like a rather messy idea to put food beneath one while they slept, and he hoped that he would not have some sort of mess under his covers later.

Actually, that wouldn't be a problem. There was no way he was going to let a sleep-deprived Granger put food in his bed while she was tired. It would never happen.

She returned a few minutes later with a kiwi. He watched her wander straight past him and into the bedroom, wondering what kind of sick drug someone slipped into her drink that night. She was completely batty.

"Nothing else has worked Malfoy," she called, as though reading his thoughts. "See if you can lie still enough to not squish this. I hexed it so you can't remove it or tamper with it."

"I might as well just sleep on the couch. Honestly Granger you don't do your best thinking when you're tired. This is the stupidest solution to a problem I've ever seen you come up with."

He entered his room, only to have her appear suddenly in front of him. "It will work Malfoy. You'll learn not to thrash about in bed for no good reason, keeping other people up. It'll work or you'll always have squished fruit on your bed. I'll try this every night until you succeed."

"You're bloody crazy. Remove that kiwi."

She almost laughed at the silliness of that sentence, knowing her solution was not the best thing she had ever come up with. But it was late, and finding sleep draught at this hour was out of the question. For tonight her reference to the childhood story would have to do.

"You'll be sorry when there's kiwi on your bed," she replied, slipping past him and out of the room. "Maybe it'll be a good life lesson."

He watched her disappear back into her room, knowing the witch had finally snapped. A kiwi in his bed that he couldn't move? Well, at least it wasn't some pathetic little pea. Granger must really think he's the worst sleeper ever if she went to find a kiwi of all things. Well, it was better than some sort of melon.

Sitting on his bed he already felt uncomfortable. Oh well, maybe her delusion that fruit would help would be gone by morning.

* * *

Hermione woke to the sound of cursing. While her sleep hadn't been the best in the world it was better than most nights the past three months. She could have done without the wakeup call however.

"Damnit, stupid kiwi."

She laughed out loud, recalling her delusional solution to the problem the night before. Apparently he has crushed the fruit as she predicted. Well, at least magic made cleaning up that mess easy.

"Stupid Granger… underhanded methods to get me to sleep still… bloody Gryffindor…"

Laughing a second time Hermione got up for the day. Maybe her crazy idea would work after all.

* * *

A week later Hermione woke to someone shaking her shoulder. Jumping up at first she nearly hexed the intruder who attempted to enter her room.

"Relax- Granger, don't hex me."

"Malfoy, what are you doing in my room?"

He pulled her up, hardly waiting to see if the girl was really awake. The past week has been lovely, and surprisingly she had gotten a decent amount of sleep each night, increasing as time went on. She didn't think her plan would work after waking up and thinking it over for a day, but Malfoy proved her wrong as time progressed. He was actually getting less and less active as the nights went on.

_He's probably doing this just to prove to me that he can, not because he's actually becoming a quieter, calmer sleeper._

Draco dragged her into his bedroom, stopping bedside the bed. The mattress had been pushed up to reveal the box spring beneath and the perfectly preserved kiwi there.

"There Granger, I didn't kill the bloody thing. Now you can stop leaving fruit in my bed."

She smirked at that, surprised he was able to succeed. Perhaps she should have used a pea after all. "So you're going to be less of a fitful sleeper now? I have to admit the past week has done wonders to my mood. It's amazing what proper sleep can do."

"Well I won't keep you up," he agreed. "Not unless I mean to Granger. You are apparently a very light sleeper."

Hermione shot him a look as he removed the fruit, tossing it in the air as he grabbed a towel and headed to the shower. She shook her head, noting the arrogant way he walked now that he had won.

But she won too. Finally he wouldn't sleep like a troll and she could sleep properly. Whoever he ended up with in the future owed her a sincere thank you for fixing his sleep problem.


End file.
